Why Internal Family Systems?
“You are the one you’ve been waiting for.”
You deserve to understand your inner world.
Therapy is about understanding and healing the parts of you that need attention. My approach isn’t about “fixing” you. It’s about listening to and honoring your unique inner world with compassion, curiosity, and clarity.
My Journey to IFS
In 2017, I took an Intro to MFT class during my undergraduate studies. At the time, I had only been to therapy once and had little understanding of therapeutic theories, goals, or even how to connect with a therapist. I struggled with the traditional therapeutic models, feeling like they were trying to force me into a box I didn’t belong in. I thought, “I don’t think the same way these theories want me to think.”
I was looking for something that felt more real, something that didn’t try to change me but rather embraced me for who I was—someone who wanted to see both myself and others with compassion and clarity. Then, toward the end of the semester, I was introduced to Internal Family Systems (IFS), developed by Richard Schwartz. From that moment, I felt like I had found my path.
IFS resonated with me because it’s different from most traditional therapies. Instead of softening trauma or pushing it aside, IFS goes directly to the heart of the pain so you can see it, understand it, and ultimately heal it.
Rather than challenging anxiety, IFS embraces it, like a child, and helps it take on a more helpful role.
Rather than saying "You’ll have to live with depression", IFS invites depression to trust you.
Rather than forcing you to change your thoughts, IFS helps you understand your narratives, love them, and update them.
IFS connects you to your Self, your emotions, and the parts of you that need healing.
Why IFS Is Different
Many traditional therapeutic approaches, influenced by their time, focus on “getting rid of” or “fixing” parts of ourselves that are seen as undesirable. These approaches often view our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors as things to be controlled or fixed.
I don’t believe in pathologizing behavior. I believe that every part of you—every emotion and every action—makes sense. It all has a story. The problem isn’t with the parts of you that hurt; it’s with how we’ve been taught to ignore, suppress, or change them.
That’s where IFS stands apart. It’s an experiential therapy—meaning it focuses on experience and connection rather than just intellectual understanding. IFS invites us to experience real change in the session, so that change can unfold in our lives.
The Power of Process vs. Content
In our society, we often focus on the content—what happened, who said what, how we look, how others behave. But IFS shifts the focus to the process—the deeper, emotional layers of what’s happening inside us.
Let me explain with a personal story:
When I was pregnant and had a newborn, I was going through a big life transition. We moved to a new home, and I had to leave my Chihuahua, Maggie, with my grandmother. Maggie had a favorite toy, a pink hedgehog, which I insisted must not be thrown away. When I picked Maggie up weeks later, the hedgehog was gone. My grandmother casually admitted she’d thrown it away.
At first, I was frustrated, but as I thought about it, I realized this wasn’t just about a toy. It was a ritual, a symbol of comfort during a difficult time. It wasn’t just about the hedgehog—it was about the process of healing and connection between me and my partner. That’s what IFS is all about: understanding the deeper meaning of our experiences and honoring the processes that help us heal.
What is IFS?
Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a therapeutic model that understands that we all have different “parts” inside of us. These parts are often shaped by our past experiences and can include our inner critic, our perfectionist, our anxious side, and even parts that protect us from past pain.
Protectors: These are the parts of you that keep you functioning, but they’re often burdened and exhausted from years of protecting you. They might manifest as self-criticism, people-pleasing, perfectionism, or even depression.
Exiles: These are the vulnerable, wounded parts of you that carry the pain from your past. They often hide deep beneath the surface, protected by the stronger parts, but they still affect your emotions and behaviors.
Self: This is the calm, compassionate, and wise core of who you are. It is You. Self is unhurt, untouchable, and capable of healing your inner world. Self holds clarity, creativity, and compassion. When you are in Self, you can lead your life with confidence and presence.
The Goal of IFS: Letting Your Self Lead
In IFS, the ultimate goal is to allow Self—calm, compassionate, and wise You—to lead the way. Right now, you might feel like certain parts of you are in charge: the inner critic, the anxious voice, the perfectionist. This is called blending—when a part of you takes over and leads your decisions, behaviors, and emotions.
IFS helps you befriend, unblend, and heal these parts, so you can reconnect with Self. When Self is leading, trust is reintroduced into the system. The inner critic, anxiety, or depression no longer lead. Instead, you lead your life from a place of peace, compassion, and clarity.
What Can IFS Do for You?
By reconnecting with Self, IFS allows you to shift your relationship with your parts. Instead of being overwhelmed or consumed by your inner critic or your anxious mind, you’ll be able to approach these parts with compassion and clarity.
As your Protectors begin to trust that you (Self) are capable of guiding them, they can step back. This allows space for Self to lead, helping you:
Overcome symptoms
Find balance in your relationships
Cultivate healthier self-esteem
Heal old wounds and limiting beliefs
The process isn’t about “fixing” you—it’s about returning to your authentic self and learning to navigate life from a place of trust, clarity, and compassion. (Diagram to the left was created by Dr. Laura L. Walsh).
A Reassuring Note for Caregivers
If you’re a parent or caregiver, I want to acknowledge the immense weight you carry. I understand how easy it is to feel guilty, to question your choices, and wonder if you’ve caused harm to your children, etc. But I want to reassure you: you did the best you could with what you had in the moment. Every parent struggles. Every caregiver has moments where they feel they could’ve done better. And that’s okay.
You’re not alone in this.
In therapy, we’ll work to free the parts of you that were frozen in caregiving and help them heal. We’ll allow space for self-compassion and help you reconnect with the knowledge that the brain is plastic. Even if past wounds still affect you, there’s always room for healing. You and your loved ones can be well.
Ready to Take the First Step?
IFS is a powerful tool for healing, and I’m here to walk with you every step of the way. Whether you’re looking to heal old wounds, manage anxiety, or simply reconnect with yourself, I’m ready to support you on this journey. You deserve to be seen, heard, and understood—just as you are.
Let’s get started.